home for a day. thanks for the warm welcome, nyc. June 30, 2009

I rode the plane back to NY today from Nashville. On the plane, I was writing about my weekend. It was just so lovely! I was filled with so much joy returning back to the city. There’s nothing quite as refreshing as time back home with family and friends. Ahhh… New York City! How I’ve missed you!

I waited for the bus outside the airport. Wait… wait… wait… No bus. Let me just ask the airport personell. HAHA! That’s funny! OOOH! There’s my bus! Here, bus! Wait, where is it going? A lady steps out of the bus. A warm friendly helpful NY Airport Service employee steps out of the bus.
“Excuse me,” I say. “Will the bus be coming back here?”
“No.” She says.
“Oh.” … “Is it not running anymore today?”
“Yeah, it’s running.”
“Oh. Where will it be stopping?”
“Over there,” she ambiguously points to some side of the airport.
“Ohh. Okay.”
“That’s why I come ova here. To show people where to go. Wait ova there.”

Right. So I eventually found the bus, and the company of yet another warm & helpful New Yorker. This one, of Chinese descent, was yelling over the phone in his native tongue. Really delightful. Then we got back to Manhattan.
“Gran Central.”
“GRAN CENTRAL.”
“THIS YO STOP! GO! GET OFF BUS!”
The gentleman at the front of the bus inquired, “Will you be getting my luggage out from under the bus?”
“WHY I OUGHTA CHINESE WORD CHINESE CHINESE RAR RAR RAR RAR RAR!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!! MY BUS! CHINESE!”

Well, bus driver man, you can’t ruin my good day! I am back in New York, and it is sunny! I got home (by keeping my mouth shut and tipping the scary man) and was actually looking forward to running errands during my few hours in the city.
Why is it starting to look dark outside? CLINK CLINK CLINK CLINK CLINK. Damn. Raindrops. Big old stinky heavy raindrops!!!

If I were in Nashville, I would just hop in a car and run my errands.
But here in NYC, you are your car!
Well. Vroom Vroom Vroom.

I bought an umbrella from my trusty neighborhood umbrella salesman and ran my various errands, topped off with the bank that had no deposit envelopes or even pens (but which banks in New York actually have pens? that work? that’s a luxury.), sending me another 8 blocks in hope that the next bank would. THANKS FOR GOING THE EXTRA MILE, BANK PEOPLE. Geee I wonder why you all went BANKRUPT, YOU’RE SO COMPETENT!

Thank you, New York, for the warm welcome home. Really, you needn’t pull allll the stops.

Flog #3: the IC5 June 27, 2009

seek and ye shall find. June 22, 2009

From time to time, my friend Jen will post google searches that lead people to her blog.

Today, someone searched for “whizzing on an electric fence youtube” and found my blog.

Heh. I don’t think they found what they were looking for.

But… whoever you are, you did put your intentions out into the world.
So, in that spirit, here you go:

exercise: whizzing on the electric fence June 21, 2009

I find myself telling lots of friends about exercises I read in books. The results are generally so interesting to me. I wonder if other people would find their results interesting or surprising…

This is from Finding Your Own North Star.

Exercise: Whizzing on the electric fence
The rules in your mind are like psychological electric fences that keep you from consciously engaging your real dreams. Instead of railing at them, I’d like you to start treating them with profound disrespect, and ultimately trampling right over them. To start, please complete the following sentences.

“If I didn’t care what people thought, I would…”
“If I were sure I’d succeed, I would…”
“If I had the nerve, I would…”
“If I could be certain it was the right choice, I would…”
“If I weren’t worried about the future, I would…”
“If I had the freedom, I would…”

Now I’d like you to choose one of your answers that is neither illegal nor physically dangerous, and do it. Right now, before you’re sure that it’s fail-safe, or acceptable, or risk-free. When you’re finished with that item, pick another one, and do that one too. Yes, I know you’ll be breaking the Rules. I don’t care. The needs for certainty and permission are the electric fences in your mind. Which would be worse: whizzing all over them or permanently forfeiting all of the things you wrote on the list above?

i like dis. June 21, 2009

The journey of a thousand miles begins from beneath your feet.

—Lao-tzu

as quoted in Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck

if I were only passionate about solar panel installation… June 21, 2009

from yahoo:

President Barack Obama’s plan to get the U.S. economy going has a strong focus on creating jobs. Two of the bills he’s recently signed, the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (ARRA) and the Making Home Affordable program, provide funding that will create a wide variety of job opportunities with good salaries. Better yet, many of these jobs don’t require a four-year degree, so job-seekers may be able to move into these careers pretty quickly.
Here’s a selection of some of the best-paying stimulus jobs:

oh, hello there summer. June 21, 2009

Today is the summer solstice. The longest day of the year. The beginning of the summer.

There’s a huge yoga party going on in Times Square today. But I missed it.

I had a good reason. Yesterday I hung out with 20-30 of my closest friends alllll day long at Union Hall bar in Brooklyn. Playing Bocce ball, drinking makers mark/ginger beer cocktails and enjoying the barbeque outside (even with the rain. HA weather!). The evening was topped off with dancing over where my friend Anthony was djing. So I slept in until 1pm today! Thank you, summer weekend! Lately I have been choosing staying out late with friends over going to yoga in the morning. And I think it’s definitely been for the benefit of my all-over health.

It’s also Father’s Day today. I’m going to Nashville at the end of this week! Can’t wait to see my family and friends.
My dad is pretty awesome. He drives a motorcycle. And makes the best chili in the world. Seriously, one of these days he’s gonna open a chili stand and end up on the Food Network. If we could find a way to combine forces of chili and cupcakes, we could possibly be unstoppable. Who knows, I mean, no one would have thought that bacon would be good on a cupcake!

harry dies at the end, right? whatever. June 19, 2009

Okay, you may have gotten this idea by now, but I’m just going to say it:

I love self-help books.

My friend Anna was trying to get me to read Harry Potter. It sat on my book shelf for a year.
As did Kite Runner.
And Reading Lolita in Tehran.
And the Poisonwood Bible.

I just don’t really get into fiction. What does this say about my psyche? That escape for me is not about getting in my imagination and hanging out with wizards and elves and defying boundaries in the Middle East or living in Africa? I know that these are indeed creative things. But I am more interested in the creative process. I am more interested in reading about what J.K. Rowling went through as she created Harry Potter. How many boy wizard names did she go through first? What was her writers block like? What inspires her?

The critic in my head tells me that I need to put down these books. Or it tells me I need not share with everyone via my blog that I am slightly obsessed with self-improvement. But I think my critic has some broccoli in her teeth she needs to go pick out.

I am reading Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck. This lady is amazing. One of the basic ideas of her book is that each of us has an essential self and a social self. In her words,

Your essential self formed before you were born, and it will remain until you’ve shuffled off your mortal coil. Its the personality you got from your genes: your characteristic desires, preferences, emotional reactions, and involuntary physiological responses, bound together by an overall sense of identity. … The social self, on the other hand, is the part of you that developed in response to pressures from the people around you, including everyone from your family to your first love to the pope. As the most socially dependent of mammals, human babies are born knowing that their very survival depends on the goodwill of the grown-ups around them. Because of this, we’re literally designed to please others.

This is very interesting to me. I was wondering a few weeks ago if we get to choose what we love. Well, I think that, going with her philosophy, we really don’t. We actually were created a certain way with our particular loves and passions and interests. I am so interested in understanding what my essential self really wants out of life. I think it’s pretty exciting that we each have these essential selves that hold the secret to what would make our life the most fulfilling.

So I think that’s why I return to over and over to books about success and creativity and happiness. I know my dream life is within reach. But you can’t get it unless you really know what it is you want. My friend Randy asked me the other night if I wanted to be in movies. I just looked at him. I was like, “I don’t know.”

I’ve always felt a bit jealous of people who are extremely focused and determined in their field. Especially comedians and actors. Because I know that with that kind of determination, nothing will stop you. But I find myself often wishing there was something else out there I loved more than the performing arts. One of the things I do love is the creative process. The search for happiness. The process of shedding all the outer layers to really knowing who you are. All this junk I go over and over and read book after book about. So I think it is very positive that I continually read these kinds of books, because they excite my essential self! And I think that is a helpful guide to my “north star.”

And if you listen to what excites you, you are a little closer to understanding what you really want out of life! All you have to do is listen to that, and then do it.

So if I can’t freaking get through Harry Potter, it’s okay. I will pick up a SARK book and some crayons and do one of her activities that involves drawing a picture of my dream home and gluing pennies and household items to it. Why? Cause it makes me happy!

Flog #2: MJ June 19, 2009

Well, there are audio issues with this flog. But I’m posting it anyways. Mostly because my friend Mary and I have a tough time matching up our schedules, so who knows when our next opportunity to flog will be.
Also, I like that Emmy was giving me sooo much love in the video!
AND, my flogs are about living life. No retakes in life right! You learn as you go along! Insert more metaphors right here!
But seriously, I’ma gonna get better at how this whole youtube business works.

Oops! It still cut off short! But did you see Emmy? Want!

ummm… yes. June 15, 2009

I’ve been finding a lot of quarters lately.

Okay, maybe not “a lot.” Yesterday, I found one. And today, I found one. Both times, I looked around. Seriously? This is mine? Someone hasn’t already grabbed this? Okay… I just pick it up, and try to just have a little gratitude.

Similarly, other gifts sometimes just fall into my lap. In the form of… travel! I started thinking about the various opportunities I’ve had to travel, and many of them were just given to me.

During my second year of college, the choir director/head of the Arts Department came up to me and asked if I wanted to go to England for free over the summer. Naturally, my answer was, “Ummm… yes! What’s the catch?” “There isn’t a catch,” he said. There was actually an organization that was dedicated to taking college students from the Appalachian region who were involved in the arts and had never been abroad before on a trip all over England and to Edinburgh, Scotland. Most of the students from the other schools were involved in the fine arts, which I wasn’t. However, the theater arts count! We’d be touring various art museums and watercoloring our adventures along the way.

I really couldn’t believe that I was given that opportunity. Two students from each school were chosen. The other girl from my school who was going to go dropped out at the last minute, and the same choir director, “Doc” Flanagan, asked me, “Do you know anyone who might be interested in going with you on the trip?” Same answer: “Ummm… yes!” So, my best buddy Christy joined me and we galavanted through England for 10 days that summer, took bike rides, watercolored, visited museums, drank in pubs, and saw shows in London. And, did I mention that they gave us a per diem each day to spend on meals and entertainment?

I didn’t believe that it happened until it was over.

When I was a junior in college, I was given a $400 scholarship from the theater department at the end of the year. This was right after I had found out about “improv comedy.” I found out that the Second City Chicago had a weeklong improv intensive over the summer for… $400. Would I like to go?
“Ummm… yes!”

Then, earlier this year, I went to Aruba.
Same thing. Rory told me Chicago City Limits was taking a trip to Aruba to perform some shows and do improv workshops with kids. Many members of the troupe were not able to take time off work to go. Would I be interested in going? Even though I wasn’t a member of the troupe, I was an improviser on a PIT house team, which gave me some cred.
“Ummm… yes!”
So Rory and I traveled to Aruba together and spent about 6 hours every day lounging on the beach drinking endless daiquris.

Do you hate me yet?
Well, don’t, because I bet there have been gifts that plopped into your lap too. Maybe not in the form of travel. Maybe in the form of a job opportunity, an apartment, a creative outlet? I’m curious as to what others may have experienced.

Anyways, the latest opportunity is Texas! Okay, Texas is not as glamorous as England or Aruba or Chicago. BUT, what is interesting this time is that it is work.

I really desire to be paid what I am worth! I have various money issues that I am trudging through (and I’m talking about my views on money), and one desire that has been a focus in my mind is doing fulfilling work and being paid well for it. And, out of nowhere, I’ve gotten an opportunity to travel and do some interesting work and be paid well for it! This opportunity came through Rory again, who asked me if I wanted to do it.
A break from a restaurant job for 3 weeks?
A refresher from NYC?
Hotels with swimming pools?
FRESH MEXICAN FOOD?
“Ummm… yes.”

I am not completely sure about what I will be doing on this trip. Rory has described it as “Improv Everywhere”-type staged events to promote a company down there. Sounds interesting! I think we’ll be leading the big crowds.

Another thing I’d like to point out is that while I may not be getting a ton of paid work as a performer in New York (yet), staying true to my desire to perform has gotten me a whole lot of other places.
And, just like those quarters I have been finding lately, I wasn’t looking for them. They were just given to me. Best thing I can do is pick them up and say, “Thank you.”

Another, and not my last quote from Julia Cameron:

The late, great mythologist Joseph Cambell wrote, “Follow your bliss and doors will open where there were no doors before.” It is the inner commitment to be true to ourselves and follow our dreams that triggers the support of the universe.