Here is a video Rory & I made on our way to Texas this weekend.
just in case you and i aren’t friends on facebook… August 31, 2009
i like dis. August 31, 2009
Which plan should you put into action? The one designed to protect you from a possible threat or the one that stands the greatest chance of helping you to fulfil a cherished aspiration? As any military strategist will confirm, it is very difficult to maintain a good defence at the same time as going on the attack. But why should you put yourself behind a barricade? What are you being accused of? And how justified is that claim? If you don’t have anything to apologise for, don’t apologise. And if you have something to fight for, fight!
Daily Horoscope from Jonathan Cainer
“yes.” August 28, 2009
I am scared to take a month off of work. It’s one of those fears that will leave and then come back in a giant flurry. There are a few companies that I occasionally freelance with. (Various odd jobs like event work & catering, etc.) Before I worked in the restaurant I held about 5 various odd jobs. In a sense, I made my own schedule. But really I just took any work that came. For a while I felt more in control of my life. I like having the freedom of not having to ask anyone for time off. But then, the economy STUFF happened and shrinkage went those gigs. That’s when I decided I was ready for a full-time job so that I wouldn’t have to scrounge for work. Now things are starting to pick back up (which is very encouraging). There was a five day gig in September that I had to take a couple days to think about. Maybe I could just work those five days!
I keep reminding myself that I will be taking time to invest in the kind of work I want to be doing. (I haven’t officially unveiled the 30 Day plan, but here’s a sneak preview: One of the things I will do daily is to pursue work I am passionate about.) If I start to say yes to survival work, then before I know it, I’ll be spending all my energy selling (someone else’s) stuff on the street rather than say, going on an audition. But I don’t want to just make a paycheck. I want to find meaningful work that could be something like… a career!
I came across this today in my inbox. I’d link the article but it’s the Steve Pavlina newsletter, so it’s just off in the ether of gmail and yahoo boxes.
Accept that you may be a bit scared and nervous, and say yes anyway. Once you commit yourself to stepping beyond your comfort zone, you may feel more stressed at first. You may even be freaked out for a while after hearing the word yes escape your lips. But making some kind of commitment is key. When you commit yourself to taking a step beyond your comfort zone, you’re giving yourself an incredible gift of growth. Your potential will grow, and your boundaries will expand. Things that were once impossible for you will gradually become possible… then probable… then certain.
and
You didn’t come here to hibernate. You came here to soar. But soaring may feel very uncomfortable if you’re used to hibernating. Don’t mistake that initial feeling of discomfort for something you should avoid. Take it as a signal that you’ve found something that really matters to you, and then pour your heart and soul into its pursuit.
I took a breath, and said no to that gig, and yes to my 30 day plan!
i like dis. August 27, 2009
This goes perfectly with my “activia” post below. I had written this quote down a while ago. I came across it while cleaning my room today. It is going on my wall!
Rather than trust our intuition, our talent, our skill, our desire, we fear where our creator is taking us with this creativity. Rather than paint, write, dance, audition, and see where it takes us, we pick up a block.
BLOCKED, we know who and what we are: unhappy people. UNBLOCKED, we may be something much more threatening: Happy. For most of us, happy is terrifying, unfamiliar, out of control, too risky!
Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way
no more activia for my subconscious. August 27, 2009
Oh, hello!
I haven’t posted in a week. Why? I have quit my job! I should have all the free time in the world! Why haven’t I had (taken) time to write? Why is my room a mess? Why is there only a stick of butter and a lemon in my fridge? Isn’t this Ideal Life Time, full of grocery shopping, blogging, and organized-ness?
I have been drunk for about two days straight. What! So much for nutrition and health. My birthday made me happy. It’s like when Granny offers to make you a gin and tonic—on your birthday, when someone says, “Have a shot of tequila!,” the answer is “yes, please.” I am so happy to have many someones in my life. My jigger is very full.
And my friend Stace made me cupcakes! They were amazing. Once I get my Spongebob Squarepants Underwater camera developed, pictures will be here.
I think that subconsciously, our brains like to keep everything regular. Our brains really love that Activia. Eep! No, not like that. Sorry Rory. (He hates poop jokes.) But I think our subconsciouses (is that a word?) are used to things being a certain way.
1. Money: I have finally saved up a little baby nest egg to grant me the opportunity to take a little time to breathe between worrying over survival jobs. So why am I spending spending spending right now? This should be the time to create a real budget, since I will have a fixed income over the next month. But I am so used to having X amount of money, it is almost scary to have some life options right now. It’s different. Paycheck to paycheck and being constantly busy surviving is my norm. I am trying to just bring some awareness to this, so that I will chill out and not rush back to the state of affairs my life/bank account has been at.
2. Body: Most people find a general weight and are stay within 5 pounds over and under it. Whenever I start to exercise really regularly, I feel oddly drawn to eat fried cheese and drink gigantic margaritas. I feel like my subconscious is like, “Holy crap. Why is my belly smaller? This is weird. Eat some cheese!” I am used to being annoyed at my thighs. This is normal and safe. Subconsciously, I try to return to this safe size, where I can safely be all, “HARUMPF! WAH WAH BODY ISSUES!”
And one more:
3. Time.
Time time time time.
Precious baby time.
It takes a little time sometimes (that’s Amy Grant).
Us busy New Yorkers! So busy busy busy! If only I had TIME!
Okay great… now I have time…
The part-time jobs are already rolling in. It’s amazing. But the point of this coming month is not to take part-time gigs catering or whatever else. The point is to give myself time to pursue work I am passionate about. I’ll deal with survival jobs, if need be, in October. Still, it is very, very tempting to take little jobs here and there. It is tempting to fill up my time, and to go back to the addictive feeling of DREAMING about SOMEDAY when I will actually have free time.
It’s TIME to break all these patterns!
It’s time to rewire the subconscious into going to the scary unknown of financial abundance, fitness, and an entire day with nothing planned. And those things sound wonderful. EEK! All this happiness busy is scary!
Hooray! August 20, 2009
Today was the last day!
My final day working at the restaurant.
It felt so good to get ketchup all over my clothes.
Because I won’t have to again.
And to spill coffee on my shirt.
And to get pissed off at rude people.
And to fold people’s dirty napkins up pretty while they relieve themselves.
Because I won’t have to again.
And the best feeling?
Throwing away my old fake converse shoes into the trashcan.
Tootles!
I am officially a free woman.
Hello world!
I’m comin atcha!
i like dis. August 18, 2009
If you want to achieve a goal you’ve set, the most crucial part is to DECIDE to manifest it. It doesn’t matter if you feel it’s outside your control to do so. It doesn’t matter if you can’t yet see how you’ll get from A to B. Most of those resources will come online AFTER you’ve made the decision, not before.
If you don’t understand this simple step, then you will waste a lot of time. Step 1 is to decide. Not to ruminate or to ponder or to ask around and see whether or not you can do it. If you want to start your own business, then decide to make it so. If you want to be married and have a family, then decide to attract a mate. If you want to change careers, then decide to do so.
It blows my mind that people think that something else has to come before the decision. People waste months trying to figure out, “Is this goal possible?” And this makes a lot of sense to do so if you’re at a certain level of consciousness. But all you’re really doing is creating delay, and you’ll simply manifest evidence to suggest that the goal is both possible and not possible. You think doubt in your head, you find doubt in the world.
From Cause-Effect vs. Intention-Manifestation by Steve Pavlina
… but it’s okay to change it. August 17, 2009
Now today is what I call a day!
I woke up at 8am to do a bit of work. This was my own work for some projects happening, and so I was very focused and energized. Then around 11:30, I got my lonely bike out (the rain had kept him cooped up for much of the summer. Then, sad to say, I just forgot about him). He was a little dusty, but I took him for a ride. Okay, no more pronouns for my bike. Anyways, it felt absolutely amazing to ride along the Hudson River. The smell of the water had me fantasizing about subletting my apartment for a month to live on a beach somewhere. Why not, right? I’ll just tuck that one away for a later date.
I spent the entire day outside, hanging out with my friend Maia and working on some creative stuff outdoors, enjoying the sun. I feel like a cat sometimes. Just happier in the sunlight. Happier being a little too warm rather than a little too cold. There have been times I’ve gone to acupuncture and talked about feelings of sadness and they have mentioned going outside. It’s an actual medical fact: we need that Vitamin D! And my mood feels a definite shift after having it. I was in the perfect spirits to go on to improv rehearsal. I’m used to showing up here a bit tired and lethargic. Not today!
At the end of the day, I felt completely energized. It was a packed day, and it began pretty early, but I was full of energy. This is the goal!
This day pretty much sums up what I want in my life. I’m not looking for 30 days to be a bum and sit on my butt. I love to work! I need to work! I don’t like to be bored. But I need to do work that excites me and energizes me.
I have to admit, I am rethinking doing the bikram challenge. Naturally those thoughts start to creep in after I’ve told all of you here, as well as just about anyone within 10 feet, that I plan on doing it. I get so excited sometimes that I just tell the world all my ideas and plans! Well, I need to add an addendum to the last post, which I called, “make up your mind.” and that is: it’s okay to change it.
Maybe it seems like I’m taking a bit of the air out of these 30 days by chattering on about them and putting so much thought into what to do with them. But the thing is, I feel like I am about to buy a really expensive camera. It’s an investment. This is the first time during my entire New York experience that I have a chance to DO WHATEVER I WANT. Holy crap! But before I spend my hard-earned cash on something, I want to do the research and find the camera that really fits my needs. And one month of not working (not counting work I love that comes along!) is absolutely an investment and so I am going to make sure to fully consider my options here.
So ANYHOO, today was a perfect day. And there was no yoga. There was lots of bike riding, sunlight, writing, researching, friend-time, and improv-time. The thing about the bikram challenge is that someone else has already created the challenge. I just have to show up and do it! And I don’t think that’s exactly what I’m looking for in a camera right now.
I’m gonna tailor-make my own. I have a month to have my own ideal life. This is exciting… I don’t take this lightly. I’m hoping to plant the seeds to be able to have an ideal life year-round! It’s possible!
And that’s all I’m gonna say about that for now. I am going out of town a couple more times this month so my energy’s going there. Then on Sept. 3, I’ve got my big anniversary with the city. My lover of five years, New York City. That’s going to kick off my 30 days of… something!
So let’s chat about other stuff! Did you know that there’s a giant plot of land in New York that was plopped downtown, and it’s straight from Ireland?
Three more days left til I will be an unemployeed non-waitress.
YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!
make up your mind August 14, 2009
I went to yoga yesterday after a couple weeks of no yoga. (Enter in all my various excuses here.) I took class from Georgia, who I’ve mentioned before on this blog. She is somewhere around 60 years old but you’d never guess it from looking at her. (Bikram yoga really does work!) She’s been practicing for 37 years. She actually took classes from Bikram himself (the guy who created this form of yoga) in Hawaii way back when. Her classes are both extremely challenging and fun. She has a way of making you laugh at yourself, and she’ll catch you when you’re trying to sneak by and cruise through a pose. But she will also reward you for putting your all into one. She’ll say, “I see ya, Blue.” It’s always exciting to me when she recognizing that I am really kicking my own butt giving my all.
Right before we were about to go into a pose yesterday, she goes, “Make up your mind!!!”
Make up your mind! Are you gonna just go through the motions or are you going to put everything you have into this? That phrase is sticking with me. I have some very indecisive tendencies, never wanting to make the wrong choice, I end up making not much of any choice at all. Actually it’s a note I got from our coach at improv rehearsal Monday. Indecisiveness is death to scenes in improv. Jess told me I just needed to decide and take an opinion in the scene. Just pick one and move forward with it!
That’s something they say a lot about improv: there is no wrong choice. Every choice is right. You just have to be committed to it.
It’s exciting to me to have made a choice in my life: This way doesn’t work any more. There has to be something else out there! There has to be something else I can do with my time and energy. There HAS to be fulfilling work out there. After five years of job after job after job, I giving myself the gift of the whole month of September to devote to my yoga, my enjoyment of life, and the pursuit of things that actually matter to me. (Yep–I decided I’m gonna go for the bikram 30-day challenge!) A month to not worry about a survival job. Then, I can begin October completely refreshed, ready to make up my mind about what’s next.
dingdingding August 12, 2009
Okay, I have to call myself out on some bullshit.
It would not be wonderful to work in a restaurant again. Why am I prepping myself for a future I don’t want?
Waiting tables sucks. If I have to do it, I will.
But I don’t wanna.
Also, today, 20 people applied for the job I’m quitting in the span of 10 minutes.
No joke.
Yikes. The job market is still a bit scarce, huh?
Oh well. Take it. You can have it!
