day 29. Happy Time. September 30, 2009

Well, my 30 days are wrapping up! Here I am on Day 29.

I started out the month with a desire to achieve some material goals. I wanted to find some work that I enjoyed doing, and make some money doing it! I wanted to open myself to passions outside of performing, knock on some doors, and see what could happen. I wanted to create the flow I desired for my life, so that at the end of the month I could just coast along.

Then the month started and I spent most of the whole first week freaking out at what I’d set up for myself. I was focusing on the end product and all my fears were that I’d accomplish nothing and be stuck at Square 1 at the end of the month.

So I let go of the end product. Then, I let go of my three activities I had planned for myself (do 1 fun thing a day, 1 work-related thing, and exercise daily). It was stressing me out majorly to attempt to do all three of those.

I was not having any fun!

(Funnily enough, here I am at Day 29, and I am realizing that I will have done those three things today! I started the day with a nice run outside. (Okay—a run/walk. ) I got lots of writing done and rehearsing for my solo project. I ate wonderfully healthy and delicious food. And soon I’ll head out to hang with my improv buds! Check, check, and check!)

I am realizing that what I have gained this month is something that will carry me through, whether I am working at a restaurant or doing a cool writing project for a publication of some sort. This time off has given me the opportunity to reconnect with what I love about this city.

And heck, what I love about being alive.

Yup.

My favorite pair of days began with the morning I ditched the work I had planned and headed to the movies with a chocolate pastry, and later spent the afternoon in a daze, trying out everything available to me at the farmer’s market. And the next afternoon I laid under the trees for about five hours and then saw my new favorite band live for the third time in a week.

That = Happy Time.

Part of the impetus for quitting my job and taking a month off was my five-year anniversary of moving to New York City. I was flooded with doubt in myself about where I was and where I “should” be. Once I started to let go of that pressure, I really began to enjoy life in this city. The trees and parks and waterfalls (yeah! east midtown!) were extremely healing and fulfilling to me.

Maybe I don’t have the paying work right now that fulfills me, but I do have SO MUCH in my life that absolutely does.

So I can continue this process from the state of fulfillment instead of lack.

And I am slowly easing into this process, but without the pressure of anything “having” to happen. So that actually frees me up creatively to get some work done.

Have you ever really wanted something (or someone!), and then gotten it, and realized it didn’t really fix that feeling of wanting something? Hey wait, this was supposed to make everything feel good all the time! This was supposed to make me happy!

I still want fulfilling work. But this whole month has been a big old reminder that if I can’t find the joy of daily life right now, it won’t be easier to find it once I have that ideal work situation.

I certainly don’t have it all figured out! The first test will be Saturday, when I spend 8 hours catering. Woowoo! The glam life begins. But I feel like I am learning how to really enjoy the day, and enjoy the life I’ve created for myself here in New York. There’s tons of room to grow and I’m going to keep making space for it to do so.

day 27. Oh yeah, that’s my age… My acupuncturist said it’s a tough age. He is right. September 28, 2009

I think the most valuable thing I am taking out of these 30 days off of survival job work is the knowledge of what I need in my life on a regular basis in order to be happy.

I am not sure why it helps me to compare myself to a dog or a plant, but it does!

I think it’s because it makes total sense to me that a flower needs sunlight and water or it will die.
A dog needs lots of walks and runs and attention and play or it will be depressed.

But here we are, humans, with responsibilities, and we just WORK WORK WORK WORK and then are confused as to why we aren’t happy!

We eat crap and wonder why we feel bad.

We drink too much and wonder why we have beer bellies.

We don’t leave our comfort zones and wonder why we feel bored.

There’s not someone else who will come by and water us or take us out to the dog park for a nice run-around outside! We have to do that for ourselves, or we are left to deal with our grumpiness.

This month has been a chance for me to break free of my old daily patterns. When I have bumped into people and had short “how are you” conversations, I have felt a shift. I am used to planting a smile on my face, saying, “good!” and listing off my current projects or accomplishments. (“See??! I am, see?!?”)

It’s been really nice to look people directly in the eye and just say, “I am really good.”

And that’s because I am spent boatloads of time outside under trees, or dancing at music shows, or seeing friends or taking long walks or drinking coffee in coffee shops or strolling through bookstores…

This frivolous activity has to be a part of my regular world, and fit in there between Job A and Job B and Goal A and Goal B. Or else I will be a very unhappy dog. And I will eat someone’s shoe.

I think back to that time in the winter where I had an awful cold I couldn’t get rid of, and also a ridiculous back pain that felt like it came out of nowhere. And my manager, Matt, took one look at me when I stepped into work one evening and made me get a cup of tea and talk to him. I was frustrated that I couldn’t handle my workload/rehearsals/class on top of that. And I lost with him. Crying! Ha! I was so frustrated with myself. “Other people can do doubles! Why can’t I?” Other people can do twice as many shows or classes as me on top of their work schedule. Why was that hard for me too? “You have to understand that you have a different constitution,” I remember him saying. My needs are different. Maybe I am a bit more sensitive or need more rest and downtime and that’s okay. I just need to be aware of it and adjust my life to that.

So, perhaps my current life situation does not include my ideal work life. Yet. And that’s okay. That’s where I am right now.

For some reason I keep thinking about Rachael Ray. Do you think she had any clue that she would one day be “Rachael Ray”? I think she just started cooking and doing food presentations because that’s what she enjoyed. And one thing led to another led to another led to another.

While I do have some reservations about the simple, “Do what you love and the money will follow,” I do think it’s a starter in the right direction. It takes a lot more than the “doing” for the money to follow! So, I think part of the idea is to find what it is you love to do. Get creative with that. Figure out how to sell it to the world. Then work your ass off. And the money will follow.

Til then. If you aren’t able to find happiness in a regular day that you have to spend 8 hours working for someone else, then the journey will be exhausting, frustrating, and no fun.

Anyhoo. I am still on the brink of exploring the various things I do love, so that I can figure out how to package those things into an income. My goal though, is to find a way to enjoy today, and to enjoy my life whatever my work situation is, so that I have the energy to keep on keepin on.

day 26! climbing! September 28, 2009

Today i went rock climbing!
I went to an indoor rock climbing spot in Brooklyn with my friends Anna, Russ, and Vito. Anna is one of the friends who went trapezing with me. She was SO good at trapezing and she also REALLY rocked the rocks.

The day kicked my butt.

It is super hard.

The first time I hopped up there and climbed, I was super freaked out.

AHH!
I am just here on this wall!
I have to climb all the way up it!
These aren’t rocks, they are nubs!
Where are the handles?
They make it look so easy!

But I climbed all the way to the top!
Spiderman.

And then each time after that,
I did not make it to the top.

Beginner’s luck on that first one!

I was trying trying trying to make it back up to the top.

But,
fall!
fall!
dangle!

On my last try, I was determined to get back up to the top. I almost did. But I also cheated a little. I was grabbing the hanging caribeeners that are for the solo climbers. That’s bad form. But I didn’t care. I just wanted to make it to the top!

It may take more than one day to get good at that.

I am soooooore.

It is a workout.

It was also…

stupidly awesomely fun.

A good day.

It also takes a lot of courage! I imagined being on an actual cliff. HOLY MOLY. There was a padded floor below me. My friend was hanging on to the other side of the rope. I was secure. But people were all right there! Watching! And other people were doing better DAMMIT. And each time you hit one step and look up, there’s another rock right out of your reach! And if you grab it, you might fall. You gotta summon up everything you got to just hop up there and grab it!

The worst thing that can happen is that you end up dangling in the air.
(Well, worse things can happen when you rock climb. But I felt pretty safe in the indoor gym!)

When you actually are able to hop up and bring yourself up a notch on that wall, it feels amazing.

But even the dangling is pretty fun.

day 24. Purple Walls. September 25, 2009

In Eat Pray Love there’s this great part where Elizabeth Gilbert is talking about the task of dating and relationships when you are an adult. All the choices are up to you, and in a way you have to be your own father as far as making sure the men you date are good enough for you. She says, “If I am to become an autonomous woman, then I must take over that role of being my own guardian.”

That has been really sticking out in my mind during my month of freedom. Not so much in the dating area, but just in day-to-day life. I am struggling to find the balance between what my inner child wants to do and figuring out how to parent that child in a way that it can grow and relish in the freedom but not scribble on the wall with purple magic markers.

I really like to treat myself to things, but sometimes I feel like I am really getting roped in by that “need” for something.

Each day when I wake up, it’s like, what kind of day is this going to be? There’s an inward struggle between wanting to get some actual work done for my future, i.e., the initial purpose of this free time, and wanting to go lay down in Central Park all day. Or just take a walk around Washington Square Park and sit in the fountain. Or listen to street musicians.

Day after day, I have gone with the latter.

ha!

I was about five minutes away from signing up for a nutrition school that looked extremely exciting to me. I was speaking with admissions counselors, talking to graduates, reading the web site over and over, attending “webinars” … But in the end it felt like my attempt at a quick fix. I felt as though I was making the decision from an emotional place, from an emotional need to have a clearer direction right now.

Rather than sign up for a school, or apply to an overseas teaching job (the other looming idea), I think I may have to spend some time just doing…

nothing!

This month has been so necessary, because I have simply exhausted myself mentally over the past few years. Working working working, and then doing show show show, and then not feeling as though I can see any growth or movement happening. It makes me want to through the whole “acting career” idea out the window! And then, I get all hard on myself. “You aren’t doing enough! You should be doing more! Okay—tomorrow is a day off. I want you to spend it doing SOMETHING for your career. I have no clue what that is, but think of something, mmkay? Sit in your room all day and get shit done!”

“Bbbbuuttt, I don’t wanna! I worked all week. I’m tired! I just want to go out to eat with some friends!”

“Well, TOO BAD! Not til you book a commercial and get featured in a magazine! Get to work!”

Geeez. No wonder I feel a bit wounded.

So I am feeling like, for now, it is a good idea to let my inner child scribble on the walls with purple markers. I may just have to be a hippie parent for a little while, and let my kid eat what it wants to eat, and wear what it wants to wear and go where it wants to go.

And stop worrying so much about clean walls. Purple is my favorite color anyways.

day 21: life is pretty wonderful. September 22, 2009

I work-study at the yoga studio (in order to get free classes) with a girl named Wanda. My shift used to be on Wednesday afternoons, but one week I had switched to Tuesday night and worked with her. We had so much fun that I changed my schedule so I could keep working with her. She came to the first “Elvis & Me” show of our September run, and all my improv friends were like, “Where did you find this girl?” She definitely sticks out of the mold—she’s so full of life and joy and laughter in a refreshing kind of way. She was given a book about John Klug, and she had it at the studio tonight. I had to write down some of his quotes from it. Like this one:

“The world doesn’t owe anybody anything because it’s all within yourself. I can’t remember when I ever complained about my life. I always thought my life was wonderful. I really did, even when I didn’t have a penny.”

One thing that is happening during this month is that I am realizing how much I have. I think it is important to step back from your life and decide what is missing and what you want there, and then to pursue it! But it’s even more important to take a step back from your life and see all that is there and give some serious thanks for it. I can’t say I have never complained about my life! But I must say, my life is pretty wonderful.

The other night I was leaving my apartment building to go out, and I was all dolled up with a cute outfit and heels and I walked by this elderly woman. This lady is like, super old. She takes itty bitty steps with her walker throughout the building. Her lower lip is always sticking out and her gums are showing. Life doesn’t look too comfortable for her at this point. (A friend of mine kindly referred to her as “Turtle Lady.”) Anyhow, I was always a little afraid of her. I usually just look away if we made eye contact. But then one day, I smiled. And she gave me the hugest grin back! It made me laugh a little. Anyways, that just happened once. Perhaps I’ll try and smile again. So—this other night—as I was walking out, I passed her, and I saw her look at me and I imagined what it must feel like to be on that side of it. She’s pretty much limited to her walker on a Friday night, and a chair in the building. Her meal options probably consist of what someone else gives her or what is within 10 feet of the building. And here I go strutting out the apartment, about to meet up with some friends to have some drinks, laugh, eat good food, and see where the night takes us.

Things really aren’t too shabby.

I’ve got my whole life ahead of me to try and figure out what I want out of it. Imagining sitting there in her chair, with an achy back and pain in the legs and who knows what else, with full reliance on the world for support, it feels extremely exciting to be in the exact position I’m in now.

Three much more interesting things: trees, shows, after parties. September 21, 2009

I checked something off my bucket list this weekend: take a nap under a tree. Yes. That’s right. I had napping on my list.

I have been wanting to do this for a while but hadn’t found the time. How is that even possible? I live close to a park. It is free to sit under trees. I have two legs to walk over there. Well, anyways, the point is, I set out to find a great spot in the park for napping. And I found the perfect spot on top of a hill with just enough sunlight and shade. In the distance I could hear a concert going on and the crowd laughing and enjoying themselves. On the other side of me there was an acoustic show going on. This sounds like a very loud area to take a nap… but it was perfect. It was wonderful to lie there completely relaxed and look up at the trees. The park is a perfect place to be alone but surrounded by people. I like that. I really mastered the art of doing nothing that day, going in and out of sleeping, occasionally picking up my book or checking out the scenery. I lost track of time.

Why do I not do that more often?

Cause I’m so BUSY BUSY BUSY doing…. what again?

I also checked another thing off of my September bucket list: See some live music!
Three times in one week!
And meet the band!

Never let that whole “sold out” thing stop you from going to a show. It’s like the law of attraction, right? Just go there with the intention of getting in, and you will!

On the first night my friend Mandy and I got in pretty easily, and we enjoyed the show so much that we decided to go back the next night.

And that’s when I met Jude Law.

Okay, I didn’t meet him in the “hi, my name is blue, what’s yours?” sense. Let me begin this again.

On the second night we had to stand outside a bit longer and ask everyone if they had extra tickets but we finally were able to get in. And the show was amazing, yet again. After being immersed in the comedy scene, it is a wonderful break to just listen to music and be a part of that world for a little while. Afterwards a couple of nice guys from Dallas were chatting us up. One of them, Ryan, was telling me about their business, a website developing company for—-zzzzzzzzzzzz—–sorry! i just fell asleep a little. At that point Mandy had disappeared. “Oh, really? That sounds interesting. I like the Internet! [Where did she go??]” Mandy returned and came up to me and said: “Go close out my tab and meet me outside. We are going with the band.”

Oooookayyy!

So I did that and met her outside with a few friends that she had made. Then we all headed to the after party. After that we headed to the next after party. And the band had the same manager as Jude Law, so naturally he was right there alongside us having a beer.

I asked Jude Law if he believed in the law of attraction.

Just kidding.

But seriously Jude, do you? You know, Whoopi Goldberg says that if two people find each other attractive, they should go to coffee or lunch together.

I did not talk to him. I was just glad that instead of taking his drink order, I was standing beside him also having a drink.

But I did however, talk to the band a lot. At the risk of sounding like their groupie (Miike Snow, are you guys reading my blog now?), they were super cool, funny, and down-to-earth rockstars. After the initial, “DURR I really like your music!” conversation, I was able to have a lot of fun with these guys. By the end of the evening we’d gotten ourselves invited to their show on Saturday, with full “on the list” privileges!

So, I would call this week a success.
To say the least.

Here is a taste of one of my favorite songs I heard live three times in one week:

i like dis. September 19, 2009

Virgo week ahead horoscope from Jonathan Cainer:

Where are you going, what are you doing and when are you going to take another positive step forward? Let us take those questions in reverse. You are accomplishing something significant and valuable, right now. What you feel inclined to see as sporadic, unsatisfactory progress is, in fact, the best that can be hoped for and it is something to be proud of. That really tells us all we need to know about what you are doing. It is, more or less, the ‘right thing’. Trust that. As for ‘where you are going?’ Well, deep in your heart you know the answer and you also know that if you carry on trying, you will get there. So don’t worry. There’s a big change happening in the sky…. and in your life too.

17 samples at the farmer’s market. September 18, 2009

The best time to go to the Union Square Market is after a really good cry. Your senses are raw and ready to receive the fresh samplings from local farms, the artwork, the music, and all the people you are standing next to who are also waiting to sample the local Viognier.

The good cry came from seeing Julie and Julia.

Yes. I bawled. It was more enjoyable for me than a hearty romance.

It’s the most exciting thing in the world to see people find their niche in the world. To find where their success lies.

This morning I woke up with the goal of finishing writing my solo show. I sat in my apartment for two hours wanting to do anything but write. And the thought of carrying my computer to a coffee shop was just too much. I mean, there are chords to think about! Battery life! And what about bathroom breaks? I mean—WHAT HAPPENS THEN? Do I leave my computer there? Pack it up and take it into the bathroom with me? What belongings do I leave at the table to claim my spot? I wouldn’t want anyone to steal my beloved notebook. Or my cardigan. And how long will they let me sit with an empty coffee cup?

It was too much to bear!

So I said fuck it all. I went to Chelsea and got myself a chocolate croissant and a cappucino, and went to the movies.

My favorite line is when Julia Child is sending her manuscript to the publisher. She says that she wants to just savor the moment. Anything is possible right then! People could fall in love with her book!

Just watching these two women go from that moment into the future where they both find immense success had me bawling in a heap in the movie theater, and then down the street as I talked to my friend Maia.

“I just want to find my life purpose!!! I want to find where I fit in in this world!”

Maia told me this Albert Einstein quote (but Google is not helping me find the exact reference.) The idea is: When you are trying so hard to solve a problem, sometimes you need to just let it be for a while and do something else. Then your brain can work out the details.

That sure sounds a lot like what taking a savasana is all about. That’s when your body regenerates and enjoys all of the benefits of doing the yoga.

So I feel like I have created this month for myself where I am trying to work out every muscle constantly. The work muscle. The work-out muscle. Even the fun muscle. In an effort to rush to the finish line. My friend Jamie recently read this Steve Pavlina article about self-discipline. Here’s a nice quote from that article:

It’s a mistake to try to push yourself too hard when trying to build self-discipline. If you try to transform your entire life overnight by setting dozens of new goals for yourself and expecting yourself to follow through consistently starting the very next day, you’re almost certain to fail. This is like a person going to the gym for the first time ever and packing 300 pounds on the bench press. You will only look silly.

And, another Maia reference is this Onion article: “Plan To Straighten Out Entire Life During Weeklong Vacation Yields Mixed Results.”

Ha, ha.

So, I have alluded to this in previous posts, but as I’m in the middle of my month, I’m going to go ahead and change the rules.

This could possibly fuck up the pending book deal offers, but, so be it!

The three things a day are not working! Today, I spent the afternoon at the movies and then sat in Union Square writing (whatever the heck I felt like writing!) and listening to a banjo player. I bought an heirloom tomato from a cute New York farmer boy and ate it in the park. It was delicious. I’m going to a party tonight and I’m probably going to drink too much whiskey and I certainly won’t go for a run at 3 am.

Perhaps to get my desired result, or my desired answer from the Universe, i just need to take each day at a time. If on one day I feel extremely focused and productive, YAY! If another, I need yoga and a bike ride, YAY! If another, I find myself going to a show and drinking beer, then YAY!

So, my goal has been to try and create the flow I want in my life.

And in the process, I am discovering that I need to be flexible about that flow. I need to be flexible to each day, to what opportunities it holds, to what my body needs and what my mind can do. And dammit I need to live it up!

16 going on 17. September 18, 2009

So I went to acupuncture the other day. No particular reason. I was just in the neighborhood and I thought about it. One thing that I’ve been doing during my 30 days is listen to my intuition more and pay attention to synchronocities. Why not?

I felt pretty good talking to the acupuncturist because I’ve been taking good care of myself. It’s cool how much they can tell about your body by taking your pulse and looking at your tongue. She was immediately concerned when I told her that I practice bikram yoga regularly. Sometimes 3 or more times a week. (Like times when I don’t have a job.) She said I was warmer than I should be. I actually have noticed that I am much more warm-natured than I used to be. She said that’s an effect of the bikram. And when I told her I have some stomach pain she said that the heat can get trapped in a person’s belly and mess with digestion! Ah! No good. And the kicker: She asked about my metabolism. I’ve actually gained about 10 pounds since I’ve started doing yoga. That doesn’t make much sense! I assumed it had to do with being one year older, and gaining muscle. But, maybe that’s not it! WELL, turns out that for some people, bikram speeds up your metabolism. For others, it slows it down. I guess I am one of those “others.”

WHAT AM I DOING? All this yoga so that I can gain weight? That’s weird….

But I’m addicted. It’s been wonderful for me mentally and emotionally. Like, I can be a little crazy. But I have felt so much more balanced since I began this yoga. And physically, every bone and muscle feels completely worked out after an hour and a half of bikram. And I love leaving the studio, completely refreshed, ready to take on the day! That’s my favorite feeling. Then I’m ready to take on the day.

So I am wondering if I should try another type of yoga. I am actually a little scared. Going into a new studio, doing poses I’m not used to, without extreme heat to warm up my muscles! I have the studio I go to, I have the workstudy hookup, I have friends there. I know the teachers and the managers. There are people there I look forward to seeing. And, I have gotten better at it. Lately, there have been a couple of poses in which the teacher used me as an example for!

It sucks to think that it might not actually be the best thing for me.

Anyways, that’s just one opinion. But checking out a different type of yoga would be worth a try.

What does that have to do with my 30 days? Well, I am trying to create the lifestyle I want for myself. I have found that with free time, I am drawn to going to (bikram) yoga, I am drawn to regular shopping at Whole Foods, and I’m reading book after book about well-being. I really do think it’s possible to feel 100% all the time. So I’m trying to do that for myself.

But this also is a pretty big indicator of where my interests lie.

So I have been looking into various fields in the well being area.

You know what I haven’t done? Audition.
Wait—I did have one audition. I went in for a commercial. I stood there and slated my name. The role was for a nurse that points to a piece of paper and smiles.
I didn’t book it.

…

Yeah. So.

I really would like a skill to offer the world. That would provide for my food and shelter needs. That wouldn’t have anything to do on whether my look works.

It is interesting to me that with all this free time, I have not picked up a backstage. I don’t really want to audition for a play! I mean, I’d love for someone to pay me to do the shows that I’ve created with friends. Yeah, sure! But I have no desire to work on a monologue. I would rather read a book about vegetables.

I saw some music this week. And I realized that this is one of the best things I can do for myself. It is in no way related to work, to growth, to my own self. It is something that takes me outside of me. It is FUN, it is INSPIRING. And, just going to see a band took me out of my regular world. That’s the best thing about New York. I met some interesting people and had one of those nights where you don’t know what will happen next.

I saw this quote somewhere, “You need this magic right now.”

I’m in the middle of my month, enjoying the magic. and the vegetables. and music.

Maybe I will get the courage to check out a different yoga studio tomorrow! And you know, see what happens.

trapeze sum-up, round 2 September 14, 2009

My friend Maia told me she checked out my blog the other day. She’s the one who inspired me to go trapezing in the first place. She said she liked the video, but she didn’t want to watch me trapeze, she wanted to read about the experience.

Well Maia, ask and ye shall receive!

I pride myself on being a kinetic learner. I learn by doing! Why I pride myself on this, I’m not quite sure. It seems like being an audio/visual learner would be more convenient. This learning-by-doing was a problem in math class. I never really paid attention. I preferred to “teach myself” at home. That didn’t go so well.

So the trapeze instructors explained to us how to do everything. But I had trouble listening to directions and understanding what that meant my body was supposed to do. Sure we practiced having our arms out and and they said the words “Hep” and then we jump. Easy enough. But then when I climbed up the shaky, shaky ladder, all I could think was, “Who the fuck are you people and why should I trust you?” I didn’t trust the instructors, I didn’t trust the safety clamps or safety rope, I didn’t trust the people watching, and I certainly didn’t trust myself that I understood what to do.

It was interesting to me that distrust was the first thing that welled up. Fear was there, but it was mostly a crazy, paranoid fear. The other thing going through my mind was, “No pictures! Don’t document this! I’m going to screw up! I don’t want to see this on facebook! AHH! Stop watching! Let me just try this and screw it up first! Then I’ll know what to do!”

Now I’m going to analyze this. I think my brain decided that by not trusting anyone, I’d protect myself. I was fully aware of the bad things that could happen, so kept me safe in a way. In reality, the clamps were very secure, the instructors very experienced, and my friends and all the others watching were incredibly supportive.

Oh yeah, and I didn’t totally screw it up. Yeah the first jump was messy but ya gotta start somewhere.

Each time after that that I did it, I got a little more scared and more brave. If that makes any sense.
I knew what I was supposed to do, I knew that it was scary, but I was excited to try it and make the jump.

And, to update you guys with my progress this month, aside from the “mental” process…

Another reason I haven’t written a ton about my 30 days is that right now I am stepping back just a little to examine my life and what I’ve got going on, and what would interest me. So I am spending some time looking into possible work options and reading up on opportunities, training, and things like that. And so, although I am pretty bad at keeping my own secrets, I realized that it would be a good idea for me to keep my ideas under wraps til I really make up my mind!

But for those of you who read this blog, and have been so encouraging all along, once I make some decisions I’ll definitely be sharing them with you!

Now, crap. It is 10:44 P.M. I have exercised and gotten a lot of work done today. But, fun? I better go try and accomplish that. Who is up for a Monday night dance party?