Jen told me about Yoga Download a while ago, and I’ve just started using it recently. I am trying to create my own home practice and I’m starting with a very easy basic yoga class. I find that starting the day with some light stretching is a great way to both wake up and start the day feeling good.
Right now they are having a membership sale, so it’s a good time to join!
Well, it’s winding down! Day 30 is here and will be over in about an hour.
I think my past few posts have summed up what I’m really taking from this month. Mostly, the renewed ability to enjoy each day for what it is, where I am, and what I have in my life.
I have felt pretty open to the world around me during this month. As a result, I have had some interesting conversations with random strangers.
The first one happened one random Friday night when all my plans fell apart due to poor planning, stupid trains, and a late-running rehearsal. I was headed home around 9pm and not sure what to do with myself. I decided to get out at Union Square and take a stroll. There was a drum circle going on with crowds of people, kids skateboarding nearly on my toes, and a general wave of folks walking around.
A boy stopped me and said, “Excuse me, are you Russian?”
At first I thought he was going to ask me where I got my haircut.
“No, why do you ask?”
“I just like Russian girls and you have that look to you.”
Haha. Okay. I see. The funny thing is, this is a very young guy. He’s got to be around 18. This was a first—to be hit on by someone almost 10 years younger than me. I was curious to see exactly what he had up his sleeve so I kept talking to him.
Alex had recently turned 19. He was in college, and his passion was writing. His favorite writer was Hunter S. Thompson. He asked me what I did and I said I was a performer, which he thought was awesome. He thought it was great that I was pursuing my passion. We got into a conversation about the pursuit of art. He had complete conviction that he would always want to write, no matter how much money he had. He knew all that would ever matter to him was that he was true to his passion.
He definitely had some fantasies about the lifestyle of an artist.
“Yeah, but, what happens when you get tired of that lifestyle, of just getting by? Of working other jobs to support your art?” I asked him.
“Well, I just know I will always be true to my art. I’m never gonna give up. I can tell you are a passionate person, and that you feel the same way about yours.”
Yeaeeeehhhhhhhh i gueeeeeessss…..
I hated to burst his bubble, but I told him I was actually not so sure about that.
And that’s the thing—For a long time, my priority has been my art. But I am coming to the place where I don’t want to base my life around my work. I want to base my work around my life! I want to put my energy into something that will not only feed my creative needs, but will also literally FEED me. 
I am all for pursuing your passions!
Yes, hello! That’s what this is all about!
But that’s been the biggest lightbulb for me.
My passions are shifting… Not necessarily all about the stage anymore. Now they have a lot to do with simply enjoying life. And creating the life I truly desire for myself.
I did not give the young writer my number. I wished him much luck with the ladies his age. And with his writing. I think he’ll be fine.
The next conversation happened at the Food Emporium.
I was the last in line. “This register’s closed,” the girl would say to everyone who came up after me. I just wanted to get my groceries and get outta there.
“Is that any good?” She pointed to the sushi I was buying. “I’ve never tried it before. I’m scared of raw stuff.”
“Yeah, it’s really good! And there’s plenty you can try that isn’t raw. It will say on the package. This has cooked shrimp and avocado.”
“Oh well, I can’t eat avocado. I just went and got all of these tests done and they told me exactly what foods were good for my body, and which my body couldn’t handle.”
The girl was very interested in nutrition, and had just finished nursing school. She spent a lot of time interning at a hospital, but it freaked her out too much to continue. She was seeing people die. DIE! Young people!
AG!
That’s real stuff. She was back in school, pursuing a different degree (brain fart—I don’t remember what in. But it is health-related.) Anyways, we ended up chatting for about 15 minutes about the current state of health in the U.S. She was volunteering with teenagers whose parents were off working two or three jobs, and she was mentoring those kids—helping them to believe in their options in life, and learn how to take good care of themselves!
Pretty cool.
So, there’s the young writer who wants to write to change the world. And the girl who is working with youth, to give them the tools they need to change the world!
Both great, but different, but similar, things.
And then today, on my thirtieth day, I went to the dentist. Yes, I am linking this dentist, because they are amazing, and yes, I went to New Jersey to visit this dentist. I didn’t plan to do this on my 30th day, but I made the appointment a while ago and decided, what the heck, I’ll keep it. I used to work in the same building as them, and haven’t found anyone in Manhattan as good as them. There’s a wide screen tv right above the dental chair so I could pick my tv show and lounge back while I got my teeth cleaned! (I chose the E True Hollywood Story: Heidi Klum.)
But catch this—my dentist told me to make sure I got my complimentary massage before I left.
Whwhwhat?
They have a massage therapist there!
So I got my massage. I have never ended up having a conversation with a masseuse during a massage, but what do ya know! We got to chatting. She asked me what I did, and I told her I performed comedy. And she said, “No way!!! That is my absolute favorite thing to go see! Where?” And then we talked more, and I told her a bit about my interest in nutrition, and in alternative medicine. She was very interested in alternative medicine as well, and she thought that massage therapy would be a great way to get started in it. She even encouraged me to look into massage therapy! I told her I wanted to get into the field somewhere, but I wasn’t sure where I fit.
So what is this LONG ASS post about?
WELL…..
I don’t know!!!
Haha!
AH!
The POINT is…
The point…………
ummmm. durrrr……
Seriously, I didn’t know what to write about tonight.
But these three conversations stuck out in my head.
The first one was all about ART. The romantic pursuit of your ART.
The second was about HEALTH. The absolute need in this country for teaching HEALTHY and HOPEFUL LIFESTYLES.
And the third was about BOTH! The importance of creating art, and the importance of alternative medicine and health.
And I think that sums up where I am!
They are both important to me.
I know that I fit in somewhere in these two worlds.
So I know that.
So, I’m gonna go from there!
If I DARE to keep going with this long ass post, I will double sum up by saying:
In yoga class ( ), Georgia (fave teacher) always says that every day is different. You feel different every day you walk in there. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. But what matters is that you SHOW UP. You show up in that hot room because it makes you a better person, in and out. Doubting your decision to step in there, or your abilities that day will not serve you. Some days you may need to sit down, or have extra electrolytes, and some days you feel so strong that you know you’ll leave the room ready to conquer the world.
But all that matters is that you show up, and do your best!
And be easy on yourself. The room is, after all, very, very hot.
If you need to sit by a window, sit by a window.
If you need to take a month off of work, or a day, or a week, just to figure out what you need in life to be happy, to be healthy, well, do it.
I work-study at the yoga studio (in order to get free classes) with a girl named Wanda. My shift used to be on Wednesday afternoons, but one week I had switched to Tuesday night and worked with her. We had so much fun that I changed my schedule so I could keep working with her. She came to the first “Elvis & Me” show of our September run, and all my improv friends were like, “Where did you find this girl?” She definitely sticks out of the mold—she’s so full of life and joy and laughter in a refreshing kind of way. She was given a book about John Klug, and she had it at the studio tonight. I had to write down some of his quotes from it. Like this one:
“The world doesn’t owe anybody anything because it’s all within yourself. I can’t remember when I ever complained about my life. I always thought my life was wonderful. I really did, even when I didn’t have a penny.”
One thing that is happening during this month is that I am realizing how much I have. I think it is important to step back from your life and decide what is missing and what you want there, and then to pursue it! But it’s even more important to take a step back from your life and see all that is there and give some serious thanks for it. I can’t say I have never complained about my life! But I must say, my life is pretty wonderful.
The other night I was leaving my apartment building to go out, and I was all dolled up with a cute outfit and heels and I walked by this elderly woman. This lady is like, super old. She takes itty bitty steps with her walker throughout the building. Her lower lip is always sticking out and her gums are showing. Life doesn’t look too comfortable for her at this point. (A friend of mine kindly referred to her as “Turtle Lady.”) Anyhow, I was always a little afraid of her. I usually just look away if we made eye contact. But then one day, I smiled. And she gave me the hugest grin back! It made me laugh a little. Anyways, that just happened once. Perhaps I’ll try and smile again. So—this other night—as I was walking out, I passed her, and I saw her look at me and I imagined what it must feel like to be on that side of it. She’s pretty much limited to her walker on a Friday night, and a chair in the building. Her meal options probably consist of what someone else gives her or what is within 10 feet of the building. And here I go strutting out the apartment, about to meet up with some friends to have some drinks, laugh, eat good food, and see where the night takes us.
Things really aren’t too shabby.
I’ve got my whole life ahead of me to try and figure out what I want out of it. Imagining sitting there in her chair, with an achy back and pain in the legs and who knows what else, with full reliance on the world for support, it feels extremely exciting to be in the exact position I’m in now.
So I went to acupuncture the other day. No particular reason. I was just in the neighborhood and I thought about it. One thing that I’ve been doing during my 30 days is listen to my intuition more and pay attention to synchronocities. Why not?
I felt pretty good talking to the acupuncturist because I’ve been taking good care of myself. It’s cool how much they can tell about your body by taking your pulse and looking at your tongue. She was immediately concerned when I told her that I practice bikram yoga regularly. Sometimes 3 or more times a week. (Like times when I don’t have a job.) She said I was warmer than I should be. I actually have noticed that I am much more warm-natured than I used to be. She said that’s an effect of the bikram. And when I told her I have some stomach pain she said that the heat can get trapped in a person’s belly and mess with digestion! Ah! No good. And the kicker: She asked about my metabolism. I’ve actually gained about 10 pounds since I’ve started doing yoga. That doesn’t make much sense! I assumed it had to do with being one year older, and gaining muscle. But, maybe that’s not it! WELL, turns out that for some people, bikram speeds up your metabolism. For others, it slows it down. I guess I am one of those “others.”
WHAT AM I DOING? All this yoga so that I can gain weight? That’s weird….
But I’m addicted. It’s been wonderful for me mentally and emotionally. Like, I can be a little crazy. But I have felt so much more balanced since I began this yoga. And physically, every bone and muscle feels completely worked out after an hour and a half of bikram. And I love leaving the studio, completely refreshed, ready to take on the day! That’s my favorite feeling. Then I’m ready to take on the day.
So I am wondering if I should try another type of yoga. I am actually a little scared. Going into a new studio, doing poses I’m not used to, without extreme heat to warm up my muscles! I have the studio I go to, I have the workstudy hookup, I have friends there. I know the teachers and the managers. There are people there I look forward to seeing. And, I have gotten better at it. Lately, there have been a couple of poses in which the teacher used me as an example for!
It sucks to think that it might not actually be the best thing for me.
Anyways, that’s just one opinion. But checking out a different type of yoga would be worth a try.
What does that have to do with my 30 days? Well, I am trying to create the lifestyle I want for myself. I have found that with free time, I am drawn to going to (bikram) yoga, I am drawn to regular shopping at Whole Foods, and I’m reading book after book about well-being. I really do think it’s possible to feel 100% all the time. So I’m trying to do that for myself.
But this also is a pretty big indicator of where my interests lie.
So I have been looking into various fields in the well being area.
You know what I haven’t done? Audition.
Wait—I did have one audition. I went in for a commercial. I stood there and slated my name. The role was for a nurse that points to a piece of paper and smiles.
I didn’t book it.
…
Yeah. So.
I really would like a skill to offer the world. That would provide for my food and shelter needs. That wouldn’t have anything to do on whether my look works.
It is interesting to me that with all this free time, I have not picked up a backstage. I don’t really want to audition for a play! I mean, I’d love for someone to pay me to do the shows that I’ve created with friends. Yeah, sure! But I have no desire to work on a monologue. I would rather read a book about vegetables.
I saw some music this week. And I realized that this is one of the best things I can do for myself. It is in no way related to work, to growth, to my own self. It is something that takes me outside of me. It is FUN, it is INSPIRING. And, just going to see a band took me out of my regular world. That’s the best thing about New York. I met some interesting people and had one of those nights where you don’t know what will happen next.
I saw this quote somewhere, “You need this magic right now.”
I’m in the middle of my month, enjoying the magic. and the vegetables. and music.
Maybe I will get the courage to check out a different yoga studio tomorrow! And you know, see what happens.
Is it already day 13?
So this 30-day project started out as an idea from writing this blog and reading other blogs and books.
It seemed like a great writing project too!
But as you can see, I have really shied away from writing over the past couple weeks.
I got really scared about a week ago.
I called my mom.
“MOM! I don’t know what I want to do? What happens if in a month I have to get another waiting table job? What will everyone think? How can I create an income-generating career in four weeks? And how the heck am I going to exercise every day?”
Which, I have not done every day. Some days it is more important to skip yoga class to go see The View in the morning! But, I’ve definitely been going more than my past usual… So I am still accomplishing my goal of creating a new “usual” for myself and developing a new life habit.
Anyways, my mom said to be open to the process and not so focused on forcing a result.
And that’s kind of the awesome thing about being in the middle of this month. I still really don’t know what the result will be! It’s exciting.
It has been difficult to really devote time & energy to all three of my goals daily. Even without a day job!
I talked to my friend Jamie last night, one of my oldest NYC friends who is living in Milwaukee now with her fiance Mike. Jamie is a clown! We were talking about that tendency to make really big goals that are sometimes really difficult to achieve. And how sometimes, putting overwhelming demands on ourselves can leave us feeling bad. That’s why it’s important to take baby steps!
Baby steps!
Small, manageable, steps.
So, at this point in the month, I am looking at things in more like 3-day intervals. The balance of exercise, work, and play is essential to productivity. They may not all happen in one day, but if they all are happening in the span of 3 days, I’m going to say, “Good job!”
And to use one more analogy…
Today I did make it yoga. And one thing I have heard a lot of teachers say is to set your eyes on where you go. Your body will follow. Like doing a backbend. (And backbends freak me out and excite me at the same time.) Start looking down the wall and your body will follow.
So, almost in the middle of the month, I’m going to keep setting my eyes towards doing the three things I want to do daily. And give myself slack if I can’t bend all the way back today to accomplish what I want to. Because even if it doesn’t happen right now, it is in the process of happening. Each day I am getting just a little iddy bit better at those backbends.
Now today is what I call a day!
I woke up at 8am to do a bit of work. This was my own work for some projects happening, and so I was very focused and energized. Then around 11:30, I got my lonely bike out (the rain had kept him cooped up for much of the summer. Then, sad to say, I just forgot about him). He was a little dusty, but I took him for a ride. Okay, no more pronouns for my bike. Anyways, it felt absolutely amazing to ride along the Hudson River. The smell of the water had me fantasizing about subletting my apartment for a month to live on a beach somewhere. Why not, right? I’ll just tuck that one away for a later date.
I spent the entire day outside, hanging out with my friend Maia and working on some creative stuff outdoors, enjoying the sun. I feel like a cat sometimes. Just happier in the sunlight. Happier being a little too warm rather than a little too cold. There have been times I’ve gone to acupuncture and talked about feelings of sadness and they have mentioned going outside. It’s an actual medical fact: we need that Vitamin D! And my mood feels a definite shift after having it. I was in the perfect spirits to go on to improv rehearsal. I’m used to showing up here a bit tired and lethargic. Not today!
At the end of the day, I felt completely energized. It was a packed day, and it began pretty early, but I was full of energy. This is the goal!
This day pretty much sums up what I want in my life. I’m not looking for 30 days to be a bum and sit on my butt. I love to work! I need to work! I don’t like to be bored. But I need to do work that excites me and energizes me.
I have to admit, I am rethinking doing the bikram challenge. Naturally those thoughts start to creep in after I’ve told all of you here, as well as just about anyone within 10 feet, that I plan on doing it. I get so excited sometimes that I just tell the world all my ideas and plans! Well, I need to add an addendum to the last post, which I called, “make up your mind.” and that is: it’s okay to change it.
Maybe it seems like I’m taking a bit of the air out of these 30 days by chattering on about them and putting so much thought into what to do with them. But the thing is, I feel like I am about to buy a really expensive camera. It’s an investment. This is the first time during my entire New York experience that I have a chance to DO WHATEVER I WANT. Holy crap! But before I spend my hard-earned cash on something, I want to do the research and find the camera that really fits my needs. And one month of not working (not counting work I love that comes along!) is absolutely an investment and so I am going to make sure to fully consider my options here.
So ANYHOO, today was a perfect day. And there was no yoga. There was lots of bike riding, sunlight, writing, researching, friend-time, and improv-time. The thing about the bikram challenge is that someone else has already created the challenge. I just have to show up and do it! And I don’t think that’s exactly what I’m looking for in a camera right now.
I’m gonna tailor-make my own. I have a month to have my own ideal life. This is exciting… I don’t take this lightly. I’m hoping to plant the seeds to be able to have an ideal life year-round! It’s possible!
And that’s all I’m gonna say about that for now. I am going out of town a couple more times this month so my energy’s going there. Then on Sept. 3, I’ve got my big anniversary with the city. My lover of five years, New York City. That’s going to kick off my 30 days of… something!
So let’s chat about other stuff! Did you know that there’s a giant plot of land in New York that was plopped downtown, and it’s straight from Ireland?
Three more days left til I will be an unemployeed non-waitress.
YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Guess what! I’m back in NYC for a week, before going back to Texas to do some more work. It’s a week I didn’t plan on having, so I have nothing planned. It is GLORIOUS! It is MAGICAL!
Things on my list to do:
Lots of friend dates.
Lots of yoga and running. (To balance all the bbq & fried cheese & deliciousness I enjoyed for two weeks straight.)
Lots of being outside in non-115 degree weather!
Yay!
Today is the summer solstice. The longest day of the year. The beginning of the summer.
There’s a huge yoga party going on in Times Square today. But I missed it.
I had a good reason. Yesterday I hung out with 20-30 of my closest friends alllll day long at Union Hall bar in Brooklyn. Playing Bocce ball, drinking makers mark/ginger beer cocktails and enjoying the barbeque outside (even with the rain. HA weather!). The evening was topped off with dancing over where my friend Anthony was djing. So I slept in until 1pm today! Thank you, summer weekend! Lately I have been choosing staying out late with friends over going to yoga in the morning. And I think it’s definitely been for the benefit of my all-over health.
It’s also Father’s Day today. I’m going to Nashville at the end of this week! Can’t wait to see my family and friends.
My dad is pretty awesome. He drives a motorcycle. And makes the best chili in the world. Seriously, one of these days he’s gonna open a chili stand and end up on the Food Network. If we could find a way to combine forces of chili and cupcakes, we could possibly be unstoppable. Who knows, I mean, no one would have thought that bacon would be good on a cupcake!
I hadn’t been to acupuncture in a while because I haven’t really needed to. But I haven’t felt 100% lately. Nothing serious, (for instance, the familiar “it takes me two hours to really wake up” feeling). Well, I want to feel 100%. So I called up my acupuncture place and lucky for me, there was a cancellation today.
I forgot how relaxing acupuncture is. I also forgot how the needles sting a little. Just for a second! Then it goes away and there is strange feeling of movement around where each of the needles are. Even though all the treatments are done in a community setting where I go, and I am literally a few feet away from someone else, I flew away into my own world. I’m not sure where I was, but I wasn’t in that room!
I left with the same relaxed mental space that I experience after doing yoga. Except all I had done was sit there! It felt like a wonderful little treat for myself on my day off. I think the whole needle thing turns people off to acupuncture. I HATE needles. I have fainting issues and had a horrid experience giving blood in high school. The nurse just POKED POKED POKED at my arm searching for a vein, leaving me with a beautiful goose egg on my arm. The acupuncture needles are the smallest little prick. And the benefits are well worth the couple seconds of discomfort.
The other day I was in yoga and I thought to myself, “This must be what childbirth is like.” Sometimes bikram really freaking HURTS. Sometimes it is so hot I want to go crazy. I hate to take a break during class but sometimes I just have to sit on my mat for a minute and just breathe. Yoga teachers often will say to simply stay with your breath. I’ve started doing that during Triangle pose, when my brain wants to tell me I can’t do it. If I just follow my breath, I can follow through and finish the pose. And my brain slowly forgets what it was talking about. (Look—frisbee! Go, catch!)
When class is over, I feel amazing. As I walk down the street, drinking my Zico and breathing fresh air outside I think, “I can’t WAIT to do that again!”
The benefits of that quiet mental place make me want to go back to bikram and go through labor again and again.
Move with Grace is a yoga & dance studio in Clinton Hill, Brooklyn. They are offering an intro special for new students: 30 days of yoga for $30. Looks like this studio has a wide range of classes: vinyasa, hatha, iyengar, beginner yoga, and midnight yoga. Midnight yoga! That sounds fun!
Thanks to Stace for the link!
