picking out the best apples October 24, 2009

The other day I was in Food Emporium, picking up some groceries. I found myself thinking, I just want to be at the point in my life where I really enjoy picking out produce!

I have a fantasy of my adult New York City life. For some reason this always takes place on the Upper West Side. Not that I really want to live there, but maybe I have watched too many New York City romantic comedies from the 90’s. Like Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail. She has that giant 1-bedroom apartment with a great kitchen and room for things like tea time with friends.

When I have someone over for tea, the question always is: “Who gets the ottoman and who gets the floor?”

(The guest of course. But they always feel bad and offer me the lone sitting tool. Please, friend, enjoy the ottoman! Sorry there is no back to it! Here—I will sit on the bed, so we can see eye-to-eye! Ouchouchouch I just spilled my tea. Anyways, carry on!)

We’re talking tight quarters over here!

So I imagine myself picking out produce at that grocery store around 66th Street. I can’t remember the name because I never actually shop there. But I would be picking up avocados, trying to find the ones that are just the amount of ripe I’m looking for. I’m picking up apples and smelling them to find the best ones. (This is not an actual technique for picking out apples, but Future Me finds it very helpful.) I’d be putting the best apples in my eco-friendly bag so that I could bake an apple pie from scratch in my giant kitchen. It’s generally around the holidays in this fantasy. And I have the space to have some friends over. This way I don’t eat the entire apple pie. (Naturally I have also achieved THE body in this fantasy, and have a very healthy relationship with food.)

Well I sort of laughed to myself because, although I don’t have the space for this holiday party quite yet, if it is really important to me to enjoy grocery shopping right now, THAT is within reach!

So in that Food Emporium that isn’t exactly my dream grocery store, I told myself: If you want to enjoy picking out some fucking apples, now is your chance! This is a store, there are apples. Go for it!

I figured out my life’s purpose! October 20, 2009

I really like magazines. Especially when I travel. This can be a very expensive hobby. I spent $20 on 4 magazines last week. Oh well. Cheaper than a hard-back book! They are the perfect oceanside companion.

One magazine I got last week was O (for Oprah of course). I picked up her magazine because the cover story caught my eye (nice job, advertising team!): “Who Are You Meant to Be? A step-by-step guide to finding (and fulfilling) your life’s purpose.” Well, Oprah really seems to have figured out that one for herself so I thought I’d see what her thoughts were on the subject. Oprah says, “It’s not that I’ve always known who I would be. It was just very clear to me from an early age who I wouldn’t be.”

So, okay. I was getting the crunchies at the restaurant. I’m copyrighting this term, okay? The crunchies are those angry feelings inside your chest when you really want to scream or cry but you have to act civilized because someone really needs their beet salad/spreadsheets/diaper changed. So all the feelings just go crunch crunch crunch crunch.

I didn’t feel like I was living my best life, and that just wasn’t working anymore! I was getting very resentful about spending my time working at a restaurant that gave me the crunchies and then using the money I was making there towards my actual vocation of acting! So I took those 30 days off, in the hopes of finding my real passion! I wanted to Find whatever kind of work is out there that could bring me joy and also a paycheck.

And the thing I figured out was how much I love to be outside and do new New Yorky things and drinks hot drinks in paper cups and go see movies that make me bawl. (Have you seen Where the Wild Things Are yet? HOLY MOLY. So goooood.) And how much I loved to be around friends and start the day with yoga and end the day with wine. And staying away from cheese because I’m trying to be all nutritious but then having baked brie at night because I’m with friends and why not.

At the end of the 30 days I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to be pursuing. I even felt confused about everything I was already doing. I mean, should I be getting more joy out of performing if this is my real passion & calling? Do I have the energy to go back to school to get a degree in something else?

AHHH I just want to eat cheese!

So, Oprah, what kind of light would you like to shed on this?

One of the contributors to O’s cover story, Alain de Botton, wrote an excellent article about this very thing in The Real Meaning of Your True Calling.

A useful thought to bear in mind for anyone still struggling with a less than meaningful job: Work may not be where your calling resides. Indeed, for thousands of years, work was viewed as an unavoidable drudge; anything more aspiring had to happen in one’s spare time, once the money had been hauled in. Aristotle was only the first of many philosophers to state that no one could both be obliged to earn a living and remain free. The idea that a job could be pleasurable had to wait until the 18th century, the age of the great bourgeois philosophers, men like Jean-Jacques Rousseau and Benjamin Franklin, who for the first time argued that one’s working life could be at the center of happiness. Curiously, at the same time, similar ideas about romance took shape. In the premodern age, it had widely been assumed that marriage was something one did for purely commercial reasons, to hand down the family farm and raise children; love was what you did with your mistress, on the side. The new philosophers now argued that one might actually aim to marry the person one was in love with.

We are the heirs of these two very ambitious beliefs: that you can be in love and married—and in a job and having a good time. As a result, we harbor high expectations for two areas of life that may provide support but not the deep purpose we ultimately long for. To remember such history while contemplating “Who am I?” can be enormously freeing.

So I have realized that if I look for emotional or spiritual fulfillment in a work situation without having that already in place in my life, I am going to be continually unsatisfied and hungry. It is my job to do that work during my free time. It is up to me to get fulfilled, and then actually have something to offer in a work situation. Whether it is doing something creative, like performing or writing, or something technical—my brain has put all those things in the category of “work.” I need huge helpings of “life” thrown in there to be satisfied.

It’s just like going into a relationship already happy, knowing that another person can’t bring you something you don’t already have within yourself. They can just add to an already abundant life.

I also have realized that there might not be ONE dream job out there for everybody. Some people do seem destined to be famous actors or writers or magicians or whatever, and then others find their success through doing a variety of interesting things. And that’s a freeing thought as well.

There’s a quiz included in the magazine as well: Who Am I Meant To Be? The writer of the quiz, Anne Dranitsaris, created seven categories she calls “striving styles.” She says that when you are engaging in your particular style, you have the greatest chance to fulfill your potential. I found mine to be “striving to be spontaneous.” This type of personality is stimulated by changing jobs frequently and traveling often. What I feared was a flaw (my continual desire for change and adventure) is actually just a part of who I am—something to be embraced rather than squashed.

So all of this has been pretty enlightening for me as I continue to try and figure out how I am going to pay the bills. For now it is including children’s birthday parties and cater waitering. I worked at some kid’s parties at the Central Park Zoo on Sunday. And ya know, even with kids being… kids… I was able to just look the trees changing colors in the park, with the view of New York City peeking through. After the day’s work was done I went to eat at a great little spot in Hell’s Kitchen and then went to see Where The Wild Things Are. And it felt like a perfect day.

day 29. Happy Time. September 30, 2009

Well, my 30 days are wrapping up! Here I am on Day 29.

I started out the month with a desire to achieve some material goals. I wanted to find some work that I enjoyed doing, and make some money doing it! I wanted to open myself to passions outside of performing, knock on some doors, and see what could happen. I wanted to create the flow I desired for my life, so that at the end of the month I could just coast along.

Then the month started and I spent most of the whole first week freaking out at what I’d set up for myself. I was focusing on the end product and all my fears were that I’d accomplish nothing and be stuck at Square 1 at the end of the month.

So I let go of the end product. Then, I let go of my three activities I had planned for myself (do 1 fun thing a day, 1 work-related thing, and exercise daily). It was stressing me out majorly to attempt to do all three of those.

I was not having any fun!

(Funnily enough, here I am at Day 29, and I am realizing that I will have done those three things today! I started the day with a nice run outside. (Okay—a run/walk. ) I got lots of writing done and rehearsing for my solo project. I ate wonderfully healthy and delicious food. And soon I’ll head out to hang with my improv buds! Check, check, and check!)

I am realizing that what I have gained this month is something that will carry me through, whether I am working at a restaurant or doing a cool writing project for a publication of some sort. This time off has given me the opportunity to reconnect with what I love about this city.

And heck, what I love about being alive.

Yup.

My favorite pair of days began with the morning I ditched the work I had planned and headed to the movies with a chocolate pastry, and later spent the afternoon in a daze, trying out everything available to me at the farmer’s market. And the next afternoon I laid under the trees for about five hours and then saw my new favorite band live for the third time in a week.

That = Happy Time.

Part of the impetus for quitting my job and taking a month off was my five-year anniversary of moving to New York City. I was flooded with doubt in myself about where I was and where I “should” be. Once I started to let go of that pressure, I really began to enjoy life in this city. The trees and parks and waterfalls (yeah! east midtown!) were extremely healing and fulfilling to me.

Maybe I don’t have the paying work right now that fulfills me, but I do have SO MUCH in my life that absolutely does.

So I can continue this process from the state of fulfillment instead of lack.

And I am slowly easing into this process, but without the pressure of anything “having” to happen. So that actually frees me up creatively to get some work done.

Have you ever really wanted something (or someone!), and then gotten it, and realized it didn’t really fix that feeling of wanting something? Hey wait, this was supposed to make everything feel good all the time! This was supposed to make me happy!

I still want fulfilling work. But this whole month has been a big old reminder that if I can’t find the joy of daily life right now, it won’t be easier to find it once I have that ideal work situation.

I certainly don’t have it all figured out! The first test will be Saturday, when I spend 8 hours catering. Woowoo! The glam life begins. But I feel like I am learning how to really enjoy the day, and enjoy the life I’ve created for myself here in New York. There’s tons of room to grow and I’m going to keep making space for it to do so.

Lucky day 13 September 14, 2009

Is it already day 13?

So this 30-day project started out as an idea from writing this blog and reading other blogs and books.
It seemed like a great writing project too!

But as you can see, I have really shied away from writing over the past couple weeks.

I got really scared about a week ago.
I called my mom.

“MOM! I don’t know what I want to do? What happens if in a month I have to get another waiting table job? What will everyone think? How can I create an income-generating career in four weeks? And how the heck am I going to exercise every day?”

Which, I have not done every day. Some days it is more important to skip yoga class to go see The View in the morning! But, I’ve definitely been going more than my past usual… So I am still accomplishing my goal of creating a new “usual” for myself and developing a new life habit.

Anyways, my mom said to be open to the process and not so focused on forcing a result.

And that’s kind of the awesome thing about being in the middle of this month. I still really don’t know what the result will be! It’s exciting.

It has been difficult to really devote time & energy to all three of my goals daily. Even without a day job!

I talked to my friend Jamie last night, one of my oldest NYC friends who is living in Milwaukee now with her fiance Mike. Jamie is a clown! We were talking about that tendency to make really big goals that are sometimes really difficult to achieve. And how sometimes, putting overwhelming demands on ourselves can leave us feeling bad. That’s why it’s important to take baby steps!

Baby steps!

Small, manageable, steps.

So, at this point in the month, I am looking at things in more like 3-day intervals. The balance of exercise, work, and play is essential to productivity. They may not all happen in one day, but if they all are happening in the span of 3 days, I’m going to say, “Good job!”

And to use one more analogy…

Today I did make it yoga. And one thing I have heard a lot of teachers say is to set your eyes on where you go. Your body will follow. Like doing a backbend. (And backbends freak me out and excite me at the same time.) Start looking down the wall and your body will follow.

So, almost in the middle of the month, I’m going to keep setting my eyes towards doing the three things I want to do daily. And give myself slack if I can’t bend all the way back today to accomplish what I want to. Because even if it doesn’t happen right now, it is in the process of happening. Each day I am getting just a little iddy bit better at those backbends.

3 Things: 30 Days. Day 1. September 2, 2009

I was going to start this tomorrow, but I think I’m going to get a running start instead.

I moved to New York City five years ago tomorrow, September 3, 2004. That realization has hit me like a mid-life crisis. It’s a milestone I’m excited about, and I love the life I have here in this city. But one area that I am not completely satisfied with is the area of work. I have had two full-time jobs since I got here. The one I do so that I can eat and the one I do so that I can perform. And I don’t want to spend 40 hours of every week doing something I don’t care about. There’s got to be a way to spend 40 (or less!) hours giving something of value to the world and getting paid for it. I want to be energized by working, not depleted by it.

So, I quit my survival job. Now I’m going to do something I’ve fantasized about during my entire New York experience. I’m going to take 30 days off of survival work. And I’m going to spend that time creating the flow I want for my life.

That’s from a Steve Pavlina quote, a writer who is really inspiring me these days: “Create the flow, and then coast where you want to go.”

I had a lightbulb go off this summer. I was traveling through Texas with my comedy partner Rory doing a bit of an odd job promoting a company down there. And it was a blast. I loved it. And I realized—I don’t have to make money directly as an actor in order to be happy. But I DO have to be doing SOMETHING that I enjoy in order to be happy.

That seems easy enough, right? Just find something you enjoy doing for work, and do it! But as we all know, it’s not necessarily easy.

Steve Pavlina has this great podcast about faster goal achievement. He says to “identify the side effects you’ll experience when you’ll already have achieved the goal.” Then, start “introducing those side effects into your life.” He also discusses the idea of creating a habit in 30 days. He says that if you can spend 30 days creating the flow you want your life to go in, all you have to do afterwards is coast.

So what is my goal?
My goal is to be successfully self-employed, doing work that I’m passionate about, and giving myself time and energy to live LIFE.

The side effects of being successfully self-employed, doing work that I am passionate about, my life would involve these three things everyday, rather than 8 hours of waiting tables:
1) Daily pursuit of a passion: I would be making money doing one of my passions. I’ll spend this time pursuing my passions daily, planting seeds for work that I want to be making an income from.
2) Daily exercise: I feel my best mentally and physically if I have gone to bikram yoga or gone running. I want to feel my best and strongest everyday.
3) Daily JOY of life: “Filling up the well” as Julia Cameron says. I want to be aware that life is about enjoying the moment. I’ve spent a lot of time over the past 5 years getting stressed or overwhelmed or too busy to go to the park. Part of my daily schedule will include FUN things that I want to do in this city! (Who wants to join me on this one?)

During this month, I’m going to pursue the various fields that I do care about—from going to auditions to submitting articles to researching travel opportunities. But I am going to be putting myself out there in the work world in new, concrete ways. One thing I have learned is that you can’t control what will come your way, but you can be prepared for it. I wouldn’t be surprised if at the end of the month, something comes my way that I did not look for. It would still be an effect of all the energy and work I’m putting out there.

“Create the flow, then coast where you want to go.”

I’m in the process of creating the flow I want for my life.

So, here goes nothin!
Let’s see what can happen in 30 days!

so. umm… now what? August 11, 2009

Thank you friends, for all the wonderful spoken and unspoken support. I haven’t gotten any blank stares or doubtful responses when I’ve told people that I quit my job, even though I don’t have much of a plan in line. In fact, I’ve gotten the opposite: very positive responses. That’s pretty awesome. We’ve got ourselves a lot of believers out there, folks! Lucky for me, part of why I could just hop right out of my job is because I work (for just 10 more days!) at a restaurant. And, if in a couple months I find myself in need of another full-time job, there are a few thousand restaurants in this borough alone that I could serve burgers/steak/vegan whatevers at. So, I’ll deal with that if/when I need to.

That’s pretty much the worst-case scenario. Which is too say, the worst case scenario isn’t bad at all. I like meeting new people and finding myself in new environments, so if that’s what needs to happen, I am sure many wonderful things will come from it, as did from this job.

So, what is the best case scenario?

That’s what I’m giving myself the time to sort out, I spose!

Before I get to all that job stuff, I’d like to take some time to do something else. I have been toying with the idea of taking a bikram yoga 30-day challenge for a while now. (Doing bikram yoga for 30 days straight!) But, I don’t want to focus solely on practicing bikram yoga during this time. I started thinking about the other things it would be fun to do for 30 days in a row.

I came across this Steve Pavlina article: 30 days to Success. Innnnteresting. He explains how the 30-day model is a great way to try out a daily habit, and see if it can become something you want to do daily for life! So this could be a great time for me to create habits I want to carry with me when I enter back into real world territory.

Some ideas:

-Exercising daily, whether it’s yoga, running, bike riding, swimming, or playing in the park. (I am still sore from some serious wiffleball playing on Saturday.)

-Writing daily. Journaling and creative writing.

-Pursuing fun daily. Serious childlike fun. I realized I have a real need for fun on a regular basis. So simple, right? But if I am working too much, even if that is performing, I become depressed and down. I am rejuvenated by pure FUN. (If I go for this 30 day FUN project, I will need some volunteers to go do some activities with me. )

-Taking a risk a day. Mostly this involves me doing things alone that might be a bit odd, or striking up conversations with strangers. (A very convenient excuse to talk to the cute boy strangers.) But this seems like a wonderful way to really shake fear and social taboos out of the system.

-Pursuing a passion daily. Maybe this means going to an audition, or reading a book on any subject that excites me, or icing a cupcake. This could be beneficial on so many levels.

So those are the main ideas I am toying with.

Here are some of Pavlina’s suggestions that I also like:

-Write a new blog entry every day.
-Read for an hour a day on a subject that interests you.
-Meditate every day.
-Go for a long walk every day.
-Become an early riser.
-Write in your journal every day.
-Call a different family member, friend, or business contact every day.
-Make 25 sales calls every day to solicit new business. Professional speaker Mike Ferry did this five days a week for two years, even on days when he was giving seminars. He credits this habit with helping build his business to over $10 million in annual sales. If you make 1300 sales calls a year, you’re going to get some decent business no matter how bad your sales skills are. You can generalize this habit to any kind of marketing work, like building new links to your web site.
-Ask someone new out on a date every day. Unless your success rate is below 3%, you’ll get at least one new date, maybe even meet your future spouse.
-Go out every evening. Go somewhere different each time, and do something fun — this will be a memorable month.
-Meet someone new every day. Start up a conversation with a stranger.

So, what do you guys think? What would you do with 30 free days?

ummm… yes. June 15, 2009

I’ve been finding a lot of quarters lately.

Okay, maybe not “a lot.” Yesterday, I found one. And today, I found one. Both times, I looked around. Seriously? This is mine? Someone hasn’t already grabbed this? Okay… I just pick it up, and try to just have a little gratitude.

Similarly, other gifts sometimes just fall into my lap. In the form of… travel! I started thinking about the various opportunities I’ve had to travel, and many of them were just given to me.

During my second year of college, the choir director/head of the Arts Department came up to me and asked if I wanted to go to England for free over the summer. Naturally, my answer was, “Ummm… yes! What’s the catch?” “There isn’t a catch,” he said. There was actually an organization that was dedicated to taking college students from the Appalachian region who were involved in the arts and had never been abroad before on a trip all over England and to Edinburgh, Scotland. Most of the students from the other schools were involved in the fine arts, which I wasn’t. However, the theater arts count! We’d be touring various art museums and watercoloring our adventures along the way.

I really couldn’t believe that I was given that opportunity. Two students from each school were chosen. The other girl from my school who was going to go dropped out at the last minute, and the same choir director, “Doc” Flanagan, asked me, “Do you know anyone who might be interested in going with you on the trip?” Same answer: “Ummm… yes!” So, my best buddy Christy joined me and we galavanted through England for 10 days that summer, took bike rides, watercolored, visited museums, drank in pubs, and saw shows in London. And, did I mention that they gave us a per diem each day to spend on meals and entertainment?

I didn’t believe that it happened until it was over.

When I was a junior in college, I was given a $400 scholarship from the theater department at the end of the year. This was right after I had found out about “improv comedy.” I found out that the Second City Chicago had a weeklong improv intensive over the summer for… $400. Would I like to go?
“Ummm… yes!”

Then, earlier this year, I went to Aruba.
Same thing. Rory told me Chicago City Limits was taking a trip to Aruba to perform some shows and do improv workshops with kids. Many members of the troupe were not able to take time off work to go. Would I be interested in going? Even though I wasn’t a member of the troupe, I was an improviser on a PIT house team, which gave me some cred.
“Ummm… yes!”
So Rory and I traveled to Aruba together and spent about 6 hours every day lounging on the beach drinking endless daiquris.

Do you hate me yet?
Well, don’t, because I bet there have been gifts that plopped into your lap too. Maybe not in the form of travel. Maybe in the form of a job opportunity, an apartment, a creative outlet? I’m curious as to what others may have experienced.

Anyways, the latest opportunity is Texas! Okay, Texas is not as glamorous as England or Aruba or Chicago. BUT, what is interesting this time is that it is work.

I really desire to be paid what I am worth! I have various money issues that I am trudging through (and I’m talking about my views on money), and one desire that has been a focus in my mind is doing fulfilling work and being paid well for it. And, out of nowhere, I’ve gotten an opportunity to travel and do some interesting work and be paid well for it! This opportunity came through Rory again, who asked me if I wanted to do it.
A break from a restaurant job for 3 weeks?
A refresher from NYC?
Hotels with swimming pools?
FRESH MEXICAN FOOD?
“Ummm… yes.”

I am not completely sure about what I will be doing on this trip. Rory has described it as “Improv Everywhere”-type staged events to promote a company down there. Sounds interesting! I think we’ll be leading the big crowds.

Another thing I’d like to point out is that while I may not be getting a ton of paid work as a performer in New York (yet), staying true to my desire to perform has gotten me a whole lot of other places.
And, just like those quarters I have been finding lately, I wasn’t looking for them. They were just given to me. Best thing I can do is pick them up and say, “Thank you.”

Another, and not my last quote from Julia Cameron:

The late, great mythologist Joseph Cambell wrote, “Follow your bliss and doors will open where there were no doors before.” It is the inner commitment to be true to ourselves and follow our dreams that triggers the support of the universe.

how’d it get so hazy in here? May 21, 2009

You know what can make a person feel completely miniscule in the eye of the world? Waiting on one of the most successful and beautiful movie stars of our time. Today I waited on Julianne Moore. She is absolutely breathtaking in person. And she’s been in what, 1 million successful films? She is also one of the warmest and kindest celebrities I can imagine, continually smiling and thanking me for every last thing. But for a moment I thought about her success, and then I caught myself in the mirror in my work clothes, hair up, glasses on, and thought some really depressing thoughts. Who am I compared to her? I’m just a waitress. I’m not much of anyone, compared to her.

This is similar to my thoughts last night, as I was walking through Times Square. I was looking at all the people. And I thought—ALL of these people, from countries all around the world, know who Amy Poehler is. (Yes, here I go again with Amy Poehler). But I thought to myself, is that what success is? If all of these people knew who I was, would that equal success? Why can I not embrace where I am now as an artist—someone who gets to perform weekly, often several times a week in one of the greatest cities in the world? I can write and sing and create with some of the funniest people I’ve ever met. Do I need a paycheck to validate it? Will that be enough? What will, then? What validates an actor, a musician, any type of artist? Someone else saying “You are great. Here is money. Dance, monkey! Clap Clap Clap!”?

Sometimes I feel like I am on the brink of really getting somewhere—mentally, I mean. Really getting somewhere with my views of myself and the world around me. And then, in a moment, I lose it, and everything feels dark.

…

Well, cough cough cough through all this smoke.

On a complete other note, tonight I am playing with Rory’s band, the BTK band. I sat in on their rehearsal last night and jammed with them, and it was a total blast. Nothing like losing yourself in an artform just for the sake of fun. I’m hoping tonight will give me some rejuvenation.
(Side note…we didn’t get to “You belong to me.” That cover will have to happen another time.)

very funny. May 5, 2009

I think the universe is taunting me.

Today again, I waited on Amy and this time, her good buddy Seth was along too.

Universe to me, “Ooooh… look at what uber success looks like. Try and catch the carrot!”
(Universe slowly pulls invisible string as I run after carrot. Universe giggles as Amy and Seth enjoy their carrot appetizers.)

I felt a little embarrassed, having just written an entry about how she’s a part of my imaginary advisor cabinet. Do you think she reads my blog? Well, I’m sure if she does Google Subscribe, she’d be flattered more than anything.

ladies, shall we begin the meeting? May 4, 2009

Today I treated myself to lunch at a little French cafe down in Chelsea. And some mindless fashion magazines. A perfect rainy day activity. I needed a little bit of frivolity, as I’ve spend lots of my free time over the past week reading a hefty book. I’m reading Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill (via Dion Flynn). I’m devouring it. There’s so much good stuff in there. But, it’s not exactly easy reading. I needed an afternoon to look at pretty pictures and read articles about makeup!

I mentioned a while ago that I am working on changing some of my core thinking about myself, money, and achieving what I want in life. Napoleon Hill spent 25 years interviewing some of the most successful people of his time, like Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, and Andrew Carnegie, in order to record what exactly the secret for success is.

I’m going to skip way ahead to one of the last chapters, where Napoleon Hill shares some really vulnerable stuff. He talks about how he created an “imaginary council meeting” with nine men that most inpsired him, whose lives and character he wanted to emulate. As he says,

Long before I had ever written a line for publication, or endeavored to deliver a speech in public, I followed the habit of reshaping my own character by trying to imitate the nine men whose lives and life works had been most impressive to me. These nine men were Emerson, Paine, Edison, Darwin, Lincoln, Burbank, Napoleon, Ford and Carnegie. Every night, over a long period of years, I held an imaginary council meeting with this group whom I called my “Invisible Counselors.”

He then placed himself as the chairman of the entire meeting, and spoke aloud to each of these men, telling them which traits he’d like for them to contribute to his own life.

He goes on to describe these meetings, and how they soon became very real to him. Each of the men developed certain characteristics. Lincoln, for instance, had a tendency to be late to the meetings. And “Burbank and Paine often indulged in witty repartee.” Then, one night, Abraham Lincoln came to him in a vision, urging him to complete his mission in life, serving the world with his philosophy (i.e., the book!). He speaks of how real this felt to him, how we woke unsure of it was a dream of not! He also goes on to say…

…During my meetings with the “invisible Counselors” I find myself most receptive to ideas, thoughts and knowledge that reach me through the sixth sense. I can truthfully say that I owe my counselors full credit for such ideas, facts or knowledge I receive through “inspiration.”

I just think it’s amazing that he shared all of this. This book was written in the 1930’s, and if all this sounds a bit kooky now, imagine it then! He layed there in bed, speaking to Napoleon Bonaparte. Crazy, right?

Well, it’s gotten me to think a little about who would be on my cabinet. Of course, I’m going to have Amy Poehler and Tina Fey on there. I mean, duh. Well, last week I had the pleasure of waiting on Miss P. three times! (She’s very kind and yes—a good tipper.) And on the third time, she said, “I should really know your name. I’m Amy.” And I got really red and giggled as I shook her hand and said, “I’m Elizabeth.” (Working in the West Village, you wait on tons of celebrities. It takes a special one to get flustered by! She’s special.) I wanted to say, “I’m an improviser!!! I admire your work! I admire how you have created your own career! Started a hugely successful theater! SNL! Movies! TV! Your husband’s really cute and I bet so is your baby!” But I didn’t. It would be a little awkward to do all that and then say, “So, what’ll ya have today?!”

As I sat there in the French cafe, I held my imaginary cabinet meeting. “Miss Poehler, I just want to tell you that I’m an improviser too! And, as a female comedian, I really look up to you and your work. But, geez, it’s so freakin tough! I’m tired!” And she said, “Don’t give up! It never stops being hard, but if you persist, it will pay off!”

Thank you, Amy. Good advice. I’m working on putting together the other members of my council. Funnily enough, as I’m having my croque monseiur and Pinot Grigio, I come across this article in Marie Claire. What a fun little gift, in between articles about summer fashion and mascara, to find an article with quotes from the most successful women in comedy. These are women who have created their own careers, and paved their way through a business that wasn’t going to do them any favors. Napoleon Hill’s cabinet was full of a bunch of dudes, who, yeah sure—changed the world and all that. But I would much prefer to hear Lily Tomlin’s opinion over that of Henry Ford.